


Hold me (but I won't admit that I'm scared)

by babiechickie (enbykoo)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Age Play Little Lee Taeyong, Lee Taeyong Needs a Hug, M/M, Napping, Oblivious Suh Youngho | Johnny, Panic Attacks, Stressed Lee Taeyong, Tired Lee Taeyong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 14:23:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21459502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbykoo/pseuds/babiechickie
Summary: It's late at night and Taeyong is afraid of the dark, but he's also afraid to admit it to his boyfriend.
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 1
Kudos: 240





	Hold me (but I won't admit that I'm scared)

Taeyong mumbles something incoherent, wrapping his arms lazily around his body. He's trying his hardest. He really is. Having to sleep in a cold dark room with no blanket <strike>\--</strike> his boyfriend always wound up taking more of it <strike>\--</strike> and no nightlight isn't easy for him. It never has been. 

See, Taeyong is scared of the dark. It isn't just the creatures underneath his bed or in his closet, it's more of the fact he can't see 2 feet in front of him. He can't see where he's going when he gets up at night, which is why he now stays put in bed all night, even if he hears noises or feels unsafe, like somebody being downstairs without him knowing.

It's really difficult to describe why he's scared, but Taeyong has his reasons.

The younger boy lets out a whine and curls up into a ball as he hears branches scraping the window, each scratch a different pitch. His eyes dart open and he sits up from his horizontal position, feeling his heart start to pound, along with feeling his palms starting to become sweaty. Right away, he notices the signs of a panic attack, so he sits up carefully, trying not to wake up his loving boyfriend.

_Breathe in, breathe out, _he reminds himself to breathe, his chest rising and lowering with each inhale and exhale. Not shockingly, he finds himself struggling to catch his breath, hands starting to tremble underneath his sweater sleeves. 

His heartbeat becomes quicker, chest aching with each beat. Taeyong naturally shuts his eyes to stay calm, but the amount of sweat building up in his pores from being nervous is driving him mad. He can't sit still. He needs to calm down. 

This isn't the first time it's happened. Why is more difficult to calm down now than it was before?

_Just get Johnny, you can't do this yourself, _Taeyong pathetically puts his hands on the back of his neck and attempts to open up his airways, but all it does is make his arms more heavy than they need to be. 

Slowly, Taeyong starts feeling his throat close, and that's when he realizes that he needs help. Now. 

He tries to speak but all that comes out is a gasp, so all he can do is just pray that his actions wake Johnny up. He can easily just smack the older out of his deep sleep, but that would be rude and he doesn't have the heart to do it.

Taeyong wraps his arms around his body and whimpers loudly as his chest throbs in pain. _Just get him already._

The male feels himself shift headspaces out of fear and that's when his plan of being silent foiled. He can't contain his emotions while being little, especially when he's little out of fear.

With a heartbreaking sob, Taeyong grips at his sweater sleeves and turns to his left where his boyfriend is laying, fast asleep. It isn't hard; just wake him up. Or not. 

The walls creak and the building shifts, creating sounds of pitter-patter, almost like rain, throughout the room. The orange streetlight next to their only window starts flickering, the only source of light Taeyong has. If that light goes out, it will be pitch black. 

_No, no, no, no, _Taeyong fists at his sleepy eyes as he watches the light flicker, knowing it's going to go out sooner or later. Of course, it goes out sooner than Taeyong likes. The orange lightbulb pops, the sound almost like a gunshot, and as expected, Taeyong can't see a single thing in front of him. Not even his hands.

Now is the proper time to panic.

Taeyong takes a single breath before realizing he can't breathe at all anymore. Not good. "D-Daddy, up up! Daddy!" He desperately yells into the darkness and sobs, his hands continuously rubbing at his eyes. His bed starts moving out of nowhere and he starts crying even harder into his little hands, to the point where he can't get any air in or out.

Suddenly, a white flash appears through his hands and he feels a warm hand on his back. A familiar hand. A welcoming feeling. There is now light.

"Baby, breathe. It's okay now, shh. Daddy's here now," Johnny coaxes the younger boy and places his head on his chest so that Taeyong can relax a little more. Taeyong's hands tremble violently and Johnny rubs his back, eventually pulling the boy onto his lap for further care. 

Even while big, Taeyong often has panic attacks, and Johnny always knows how to help him. Somehow. It's like he's a wizard of some sort.

"Shh," Johnny shushes the little, noticing that his cries weren't dying down much. "Listen to me, bubba. Just breathe and hold onto me. You're okay, I promise."

Taeyong follows instructions and wraps his arms around his caregivers body, laying his head on his shoulder. With one of his hands, Johnny pulls down Taeyong's hoodie and pets his hair blonde gently, listening to each and every inhale and exhale to make sure his baby is going to be alright.

Eventually, Taeyong starts to breathe more normally and he sniffles, now just crying out of frustration that he woke up Johnny. "You okay, kitten?" Johnny uses a deep and caring tone, still rubbing his back and playing with his hair to distract him. "Want to talk to Daddy? What's got you so worked up, hm?"

Taeyong wants to cry all over again. He's such a stupid baby for crying over the dark.

He lifts his head from Johnny's now damp shoulder with doe eyes, which normally would have caused Johnny to smile, but considering he's having a panic attack, it isn't the right time to laugh. Taeyong's chocolate colored eyes always make Johnny smile though.

With a tiny broken voice, Taeyong finally speaks up. "D-Don't want you to make fun of me.. I-I-"

"C'mon, tell me what's wrong, baby boy, Daddy isn't going to make fun of you," Johnny wipes his baby's tears with his hand and with a sigh, Taeyong lays his head back down on his caregivers shoulder. This is so embarrassing. 

"'M scared of the dark, Daddy," Taeyong chokes on a cry, feeling his chest tightening. At least his secret is out so he never has to say it again. 

Johnny stops for a moment and then smiles into Taeyong's hair, making sure to keep a hand on his back to make him feel assured. "Is that all, baby? You're scared of the dark? Why didn't you say anything before?"

"D'nt' want you to think I was a baby," Taeyong sniffles and regresses deeper into his headspace, placing the tip of his thumb into his mouth. A warm feeling of comfort washes over him as Johnny just shushes him, running a hand through his fluffy blonde hair.

Johnny can't help but chuckle. "But Yongie, you _are _my baby. Big boys don't wear pullups or suck on their thumbs, but I've never hated you for it. I like you as my baby." Taeyong doesn't even realize it, but he's already in the youngest headspace he knows of. Rather than apologize for waking him up, Taeyong sleepily giggles into Johnny's shoulder.

Johnny doesn't hesitate to trace a finger over the younger boys belly just to hear his sweet giggles some more. "Gosh, you drive me insane with how cute you are. Why don't we go back to bed, huh? Since you were a good boy, you can go to sleep right on Daddy's lap tonight. Are you going to be okay, baby?"

Taeyong nods his head and without hesitation, he falls alseep, letting out soft breathing noises. Johnny smiles to himself and wraps his arms around him before falling asleep only minutes after.

Him and Johnny were going to have to work on his fears though.


End file.
